How Positive and Negative Motivation Can Cause a Lot of Self Doubts And What Kind of Motivation You Should Actually Focus On…

When we think about positive motivation we can confuse ourselves with indeed the epic motivational videos or the yelling personal development coaches. And yeah that kind of motivation can work but only for a while.

Then when we think about “negative motivation” we think about all the haters and naysayers, right? Or can negative motivation also give you another kind of motivational boost? And for how long will that last?

In my next video, we’ll explore some thoughts on positive and negative motivation. How both of these “external motivations” can actually cause a lot of self-doubts and personal identity issues. Also, we will explore another kind of motivation you should actually focus on that can last for the rest of your life!

How Positive and Negative Motivation Has Ruined Your Life So Far…

How Positive Motivation Made You Feel Entitled.

When you grew up with someone who was overly caring and protective he or she would do everything for you to avoid pain, disappointments, failures, losses or suffering. He or she will constantly validate you and indulge you in lofty entitlement. Everything you do seems to be perfect. But is that really?

What if you as a child had a difficult exam and you had a bad score? You thought you were so perfect, right? So why bother study and work hard for something? Because you heard all the time you are so intelligent, gifted and “perfect?”

Because you started to feel so entitled to your success you thought that it would come effortlessly. Now you started to doubt yourself, right? And before you know it you don’t even know anymore who you really are? Your strengths, weaknesses, skills, abilities, talents and personal preferences. And even the things you are not so good at.

Personally I experienced this a bit for myself after the first internet business that made me so money and then it collapsed. Because now I strongly believed that money should be made easy and effortlessly with systems and automation I struggled tremendously to get back into a job. Or even work hard again for another business. I felt entitled to “easy money.”

I even had someone close to me who praised me in all my creative & spiritual endeavors. That I even started to question all this praise. Was it even real and authentic? Was I really that gifted? If so, then where are all my millions of followers? Yup this blog is all about recovering from narcissistic abuse syndrome.

Can Negative Motivation Boost Your Momentum?

Every coin has two sides so also the idea behind “negative motivation”. When you think about negative motivation you think about all the haters and naysayers who want to see you fail, right? Many young professionals & entrepreneurs use negative motivation as their fuel. They want to prove everybody “wrong” by becoming a workaholic. The warrior who wants to become a king. Prove their worth through accomplishments. Is that a “bad thing?”

Maybe, maybe not. It depends on how you see it of course. You can indeed use this kind of motivation to achieve great things. Many entrepreneurs have built great empires and served millions in the process. But there are also the “warriors” who do whatever it must take to “prove them wrong.” Even if that means hurting, controlling, dominating or manipulating others.

Another form of “negative motivation” is perhaps also the narcissistic parent, partner, employer or co-worker. Who disapproves of everything you do. He can also devalue you and make you feel unworthy.

This can either lead to an enormous amount of low self-esteem, unworthiness, self-doubt, and personal identity issues. Like you don’t know anymore who you really are, your values, truth, etc.

So what kind of motivation should you actually focus on?

In 2018 when I started to do “something more” then just “talking head videos” I created a video about Intrinsic Motivation vs Extrinsic Motivation.

Extrinsic Motivations are the “things” that are still outside of you. Results or outcomes you want to achieve. You can not rest until you have achieved these things.

Positive and Negative Motivation from others can therefore also be categorized under Extrinsic Motivation. Because it’s a motivation that is coming from “outside of you.”

Intrinsic Motivation is where it’s at. These are motives like doing work for the sake of enjoyment and personal satisfaction. It brings your attention to the present moment. No deadlines, goals, expectations, outcomes or rewards have to be achieved. You do it for the love and joy of it.

Another Intrinsic Motivation can be; working for a cause, purpose or mission that feels much bigger than yourself. It feels like a great contribution you are participating in. Perhaps you are even working in a team together on this cause which you feel part of. There is a great sense of belonging, connection, and togetherness.

Again; this will make you feel very present at this very moment. Work has become play again and it can even get you into a meditative, mindful “flow” state.

My personal journey with these kinds of motivations.

I have experienced both positive and negative motivations in my life from people that are close to me. It caused a lot of confusion in my life therefore I had to commit to my own personal development journey in order to get in touch with my intrinsic motivations.

However, as you can imagine my challenges regarding self-doubt & unworthiness caused a lot of self-sabotaging behaviors. Especially around self-judgement and procrastination.

In some way, I kind of knew what “felt like the right thing for me” like creating content about spirituality. I kept judging myself that you couldn’t make a living out of that. Or perhaps I would tell myself to go and do some social networking on social media wasn’t authentic. It wasn’t authentic for me if I had the intention to sell something or trying “to get something out of it.”

Social networking for the sake of socializing, making connections and building long term relationships never felt any useful to me. Because how could do that anything for me in the short term?

The same with creating online content such as videos and blogs. How and when is that finally going to pay off? Yet when I am creating I became “present.” Like that was all that matters. However when I “came out of this creative flow” the overthinking continued…

Not sure if you can relate?

How has positive and negative motivation worked out for you so far? What are some of these extrinsic motivations? What is your intrinsic motivation that you want more of?

Please let me know by leaving a comment below.