How To Overcome Loneliness And Depression By Becoming a Master Over This One Thing…

We will have a look at a possible root cause because as you might know feelings like loneliness, depression, isolation and separation are actually “just symptoms.” A symptom of something that is much deeper then you might know.

Of course I will give some insights based on my own personal experience.

Understanding The Feeling of Separation.

What makes a criminal, sociopath or narcissist do what they do? They do what they do because of the intense feeling of separation between another human being; call it a lack of sympathy, empathy and compassion. They have experienced such amount of pain, loss, fear, guilt or shame that they created a enormous amount of mistrust of others. It’s the absence of love that they are dealing with.

They are convinced that the pain they once experienced must be passed on to another human being in order to be understood or recognized. What they have been missing in early childhood is recognition through emotional abuse and/or neglect.

How do I know?

Well I am far away from these type of examples and changes are you as well. However I did had a upbringing where one of my up-bringers suffered from a narcissistic personality disorder.

And because I had a example of that I copied one of his behaviors. And yes I once can remember that I had the conviction that said something like this; “why should I care about anyone if nobody ever cared about me.”

Anyway if you are new to narcissism then let me please briefly explained what that means.

Changes are you probably think it has to do with a self-obsessed character that is full with self-love. Who simply can’t get enough of himself. Self-obsessed yes but without the self love. In matter of fact a person who suffers from this disorder is far away from any kind of love.

The two major characteristics of a narcissist is the lack of empathy and self reflection. His or her own upbringing that was full with emotional neglect and abuse created such tremendous amount of fear, insecurity, self doubt, unworthiness, shame and guilt that he had to create a identity in order to survive. A identity that had the main goal to show the outside world how great, strong, empowered, lovable and successful he or she is. This is of course nothing more then a mask or a facade.

It’s a ego-centric devastating behavior that will do whatever it takes to maintain this identity. Even if he has to manipulate, control, dominate, or intimidate others in a sometimes aggressive (emotional) abusive way.

When you have someone like that in your life or had once in your life then the following happened;

Let’s say you have multiple “faces” or personalities. Spiritual teacher Teal Swan like to call this the “Twin Personality.” When one of these personalities were disapproved or neglected but your other personality was approved you created separation. You start to suppress one part of you in order to get recognized with your other part. The reason for that is because we all want to be loved and accepted. This separation or soul fragmentation is going to hurt one day or another. In matter some of the information I am currently sharing comes from her book “The Anatomy of Loneliness.”

You didn’t even needed a narcissist around you in order to let this happen. A narcissist goes way further then this. He doesn’t recognize you at all. Everything you are, do or have will be neglected so he can feel a little bit better about himself. He will always put you down, shove shame, guilt or fear into your being so he can feel “more” then you.

Isolation, Separation and Loneliness coming from your suppressed part?

If one of our personality parts were disapproved then perhaps you still might have a longing to get in touch with that. However that part was never approved so you might fear to get neglected again through fear of failure or success. And how more you are trying to push that away how more it starts to build up as a air balloon held under the water. Some day it will pop to the surface!

Let me give you a couple of examples on how this worked out for me.

One part of me is the highly sensitive, intuitive, creative and go with the flow kind of personality. Something you can expect from a Pisces. From the age of 10-12 years old I started to suppress this part because it was not safe for me to feel.

I was leaning over to my other personality part. This part has more to do with discipline, work, motivation, focus, determination, success and achievements. Work was for me always a great distraction in order not to feel my own feelings. Until I got the realization that something was missing. I used to suppress my sensitive part so much that eventually this popped to the surface. It manifested itself with a complete burn-out, depressions and anxiety attacks.

All of that led me into spiritual development because I wanna to get in touch with my intuition, sensitivity and feelings. However now I created another lack believe. This believe was that working hard for something doesn’t seems to matter anymore. It betrayed me before so what’s the point?!

I felt ashamed and guilty for selling people all sorts of online money making investment schemes because I wanna to prove my worth through accomplishments. And because of that I started to isolate myself even more from others. Specially when I came to London where it’s to easy to disappear.

Another thing I want to say about our cities is that it cost tremendous amount of time/energy to get around and meet people for a introverted sensitive. And because of that a introvert might even become more isolated. Not sure if you can relate to that?

What Can You Do About Overcoming Loneliness And Depression?

So now you know that you have various aspects of your personality that are not fully accepted, embraced and recognized by yourself (yet). Now the questions is of course what are these different kind of personalities?

Now we came to the point of Self Awareness and Self Knowledge. What you can do is of course to really embrace your emotions through Mindfulness and Meditations. This is something I can highly recommend to anyone!

Another method is through various personality tests! One test that I can highly recommend is not so much a personality test but more a Numerology Calculator.

In this Numerology Calculator they use your date of birth, full name and birth name in order to calculate your life path number, expression number and soul urge number. I have created a very in-depth review about this numerology calculator that takes you by the hand and shows you exactly on what to expect.

Overcome Loneliness and Depression by Mastering Your Emotions.

For so many of us we are not trained or taught to get in touch with our emotions. We were taught that sensitivity is a form of weakness and just sucked it all up. However getting in touch with your emotions can give you great lessons and insights about yourself. Learning to embrace and accept them can help you to release them. Doing so can give you more freedom and inner peace.

Let me give you another quick example.

Around Christmas I always try to get home to see my family. My brother and farther picked me up at the airport in Amsterdam and all was well. The 2nd Christmas day I had diner with my brother, his partner and my farther. We had a great and fun time. I even had the feeling that my farther became more authentic and true to himself.

But then he said something stupid again. His jokes are still a bit cynical and sometimes has the unconscious intention to put someone down. This time it was a Spanish speaking waitress in the tapas bar we were eating who barely spoke English let alone Dutch (thank God she didn’t).

We had to face our farther on his mistake and the fun atmosphere was gone for the rest of the evening. We finished diner, payed the bill and left the restaurant.

My farther’s wish was to spend more time with me during the weekend but suddenly he had more important things to do. Like meeting another women who he only met 3 times before.

His reaction was literally that I became 2nd priority because I moved abroad anyway. This was after some manipulative behaviors like it was our fault we had to point on his mistakes. This is a typical example of shaming.

A narcissist always find ways to manipulate. Avoid facing his own mistakes (lack of self reflection) by making you feel ashamed, unworthy or guilty about anything.

My challenge was again to recognize his patterns, accept and embrace them and choice to let them go. Otherwise I would go along with the drama.

This is probably one of the most difficult things to do because as a High Sensitive or empath we always want to help, heal or please others for maintaining the peace. Specially with people who are the closest to us.

Moving abroad helped me a lot to start working on myself and cutting cords with his negativity. However it has been many years where I felt completely lost, hopeless, depressed, anxious, empty, isolated and lonely. I even felt the emptiness inside of me days after I returned to London.

What is it that you are dealing with? Is it something similar or totally different? Please let me know by leaving a comment below. Also let me know if you got any insights from this post. See here how you can heal old emotional wounds that is causing your feelings of loneliness & depression.